Kids are masterminds at getting their way. Every time. And, like me, if you have ever faced or witnessed children having major meltdowns, you probably agree. It is quite uncanny how kids seem to find just the ‘right’ (read ‘wrong’) places to throw a tantrum. A crowded restaurant maybe? A busy train station. Oh wait, a mall. Which is exactly where Shash chose to throw the most dreadful of tantrums yet – when we were at a rather packed department store last week. One moment we were riding the escalator, and the next thing I know Shash is on the floor, screaming, out of control. His dad, apparently, helped him get off the escalator, and this was simply too much for Shashank. Of course, I knew how Shash would turn red if I offered a hand when we are on escalators, or even stairs for that matter. He would swat away any offer of help, and even as I watched appalled he would hop and skip up the stairs – a big boy remember?! And that was plainly the reason Shash treated us to a horrific temper show. I tried to distract him by playing along – we rode the escalator up and down, up and down, like the spools on a running tape. And then I told Shashank we were done and we should move on now. But he would have none of it – he wanted to climb the escalator that was headed downward! When I stopped him he got very moody, and continued to just walk on and on as I followed, watching him complain about how mom was such a wuss!
Long story short, it was a big temper show, and I found it as alarming as it was draining. But this little hungama actually got me thinking about exactly why kids have these outbursts. Is it just about gaining control over a situation where they feel powerless? Is it mere power play or something deeper? For my part, I have been reading up on the psychology of toddlerhood, and will be posting more on temper tantrums in my upcoming posts. Until then, I hope I stay sane!
Filed under: Temper Tantrums, Toddler Behaviour
I have 2 year old daughter and she goes to school from monday to friday. Weekends we are as a family at home. She has been in school now for 1 year and 2 months. When she gets home she always troughs tember tantrums there is not one day that she comes home that she doesnt trough temper tantrums. But on weekends we do not have that problem of temper tantrums at all only when she is tired and she needs her afternoon or night time nap. Is it that she doesnt get enough attention at school? Is it that she gets to do what ever she wants at school?
thanks
Melissa
Dear Mellissa,
First off thanks for visiting my blog, and taking the time to comment.
To be honest I am no parenting expert, but let me just share my thoughts on the question you raised. When it comes to temper tantrums, the reasons are not always about getting attention; it could just be like you rightly put it yourself – possible pain, pressing needs such as hunger, exhaustion, or something similar. However, if it is a habitual thing I would suggest carefully following her routine in school. A lack of attention in school is a likely factor, especially since she seems to have gone to daycare as an infant (no please, I am not judging you or anything, I am just observing based on your comment). Sometimes this means that kids display clingy behavior or seperation anxiety, which can take the form of a tantrum. I can say this is more likely the case especially since you say weekends pass without incident.
Here’s what I suggest. Offer lots of verbal / non-verbal reassurance to your daughter – share loving words, just talk to her often, offer hugs. This can help alleviate any unease in your daughter by reinforcing your love and care. Although as mothers we know how much we love our kids, they sometimes need that shown just the same. You could also share your concerns with her primary caregiver at daycare/playschool; hint that she might want more personal attention at school. You could even find out how other kids who go to the same school are reacting. For all you know she is probably going through a phase, so don’t worry too much either. I hope some of what I said was helpful to you. Good luck!
Take care,
Sowmya